Dear You
by Belles.diner
Summary: Set 5 months after season 7, Logan writes to Rory, admitting his faults and how much he misses her, Rory writes to Logan admitting the pain she's facing and how hurt she is.
1. Chapter 1

**Dear You**

 **A/N: Don't need to be starting a new story. I'm sorry. I just have this idea, I'm hoping it will be a slower burn than my others. I know that there may be some similarities to some other fanfictions but I do hope to take this in a different direction. Don't own Gilmore Girls, just having fun writing.**

" _Dear Rory,_

 _Man, it feels weird calling you that sometimes. Sure, I called you that often, but no matter what you were still my Ace. I don't know if you still are, or hell, if you want to be. Do you want to be? I heard you're on the campaign trail, and I thought about just emailing you but doesn't putting pen to paper seem more romantic? I hope you see it like that at least. I hope you know that I made a mistake, oh who am I kidding, of course you know I made a mistake. I'm sure you have vented, ranted, raved about it to Lorelai, or Lane, or, God help you and me, Paris. But I want you to know, I know I made a mistake. I knew it when I proposed like I did, I had better ideas, better speeches, but maybe that was the problem? I wasn't the best I could be for you at a time when you really needed me to be. God, I can't believe how much I screwed us up, I can't believe I walked away, I can't believe any of it anymore._

 _You know, I tried to go out to California, I'm not sure if you heard about it from Colin and Finn, I heard you still talk to them frequently. I tried so hard, but I couldn't do it. My friends were back here, my sister, you, the life we created, it was back here. Within two months I was back home, coming to my dad and asking for help. I've never seen the bastard look so smug in his life, but I couldn't stay in California. Not without you._

 _I heard your mom is sending any mail to you that she might think is important, I hope she sends this, I hope she knows this is important. I've called you a few times from Finn's phone, just to hear your voice, usually it goes to voicemail because I call so late but one time you picked up and I swear I almost called out to you, asking you to just talk to me. To just tell me about your day, about your life, about the campaign trail, about any of it. But then you laughed and said something about how Finn must've drunk dialed you again, you were speaking to the group you were with and that's when I realized maybe you were just happy, and who was I to come barging into your life again? Remembering that laugh has stopped me from hopping on a plane and following you to whatever rally you're at now, because you're right that would be last year's Logan and I have to be better than that._

 _Maybe that's why I'm writing this, because the thought of a call or even an email feels to close, close enough to break whatever fragile hold I have on myself and what I'm even thinking right now. If I just send a simple letter and you don't respond I can blame it on the government, or Kirk if he decided to take up being a postman again. This way there is more reasons for me to convince myself that you never got my letter instead of just ignoring it. I hope you get it though, and I hope you don't ignore it. I don't know how to handle it if you do._

 _How do I sign this off? Do I sign it love? Because I do Rory, god I do. Do I sign it always yours? Because I am. I guess I'll just say bye."_

She read the letter a few times, scoffing in some parts, shaking her head in others, after the 4th time reading it, she swallowed the lump that was in her chest as she folded the letter back up and put it in her desk drawer that was sitting in her room.

" _Dear Logan,_

 _I don't know why I'm writing to you, I haven't even heard from you officially. Unless you count that call from Finn's phone. At least, I'm pretty sure that was you. I don't know where you live, or how you're doing. Colin and Finn said you're doing okay, that you're back on the East Coast. I hope you're happy with it and your dad isn't using as a whipping boy now that you're back. Since I don't know where you live, I guess this letter will never get to you, will it? I thought about just emailing it to you, but where's the romance in that?_

 _Is it bad that sometimes after a rally, I want to call Colin or Finn, and have you watch my name pop up on the screen, and you answer, and I can just vent to you about my day and how terrible it was or exhausting it all can be? Sometimes I have this reoccurring nightmare where I leave from a rally and you're standing by the bus with your hands in your pockets and you smile at me, before suddenly you turn to walk away from me. Do you know how much it broke me? To see you walk away from me when I needed you the most. I needed you Logan, I needed you in the ways you promised me you could be there for me. But I guess, I guess now it doesn't matter because that's not us anymore. I know it's been 5 months since that day, but I haven't stopped missing you. Sometimes I wish for last year's Logan to come sweep me off my feet, to rescue me from feeling so completely upset all the time. But every night that I fall asleep without you here, without you even close, I'm reminded just how much you changed, how much you matured, and how far apart we are. I hope you're doing good Logan. I want you to be doing good. I don't know how to say goodbye, so I'll just say I miss you."_

Rory closed the journal she had written in, it was the first time she allowed herself to write down what she wanted to say to him, although if she was honest, she knew this didn't even scratch the surface on what she could say to him. She could explain her anger, explain her pain, explain how much she missed him, but she knew that if she ever saw him again none of those words would actually come out, all she would be able to do is cry or kiss him, probably both at the same time if she were being honest. If he would even let her get that close to him. God, what if he was mad at her? Sure, Colin and Finn didn't make it seem like that, but still, he could be hurting just as deeply as she was. He could be holding on to the same kind of resentments that she had stuffed down deep inside. She shook her head, trying to get rid of these thoughts, it didn't matter. Plus, he knew how to contact her, and he had to be the one to contact her, he had to make the first move. He walked away, and she couldn't fight for him, not this time, not after how he broke her. Plus, maybe he didn't want to fight, maybe he had found someone who didn't challenge him, who was docile and sweet. Rory almost threw up at the thought of someone else with Logan. She didn't have a claim on him, but that didn't stop the jealous bile from rising in her throat.

She couldn't keep thinking of the what-ifs, it wasn't fair to her, to her mom who had listened to many late-night sobbing phone calls. It wasn't fair to Colin and Finn who had sent her care packages and did their best to check-in, although the check-ins had slightly lowered since Logan moved back. She couldn't think about what could have happened with a man who so easily walked away.

RLRL

Logan was going crazy, it had been 2 weeks since he had sent his letter, 5 months from the last time he spoke to her, and there was nothing. No communication on her end. It wasn't supposed to be like this, she was supposed to read the letter, realize that he was sorry, and at least agree to a phone call, if he was really lucky a coffee date, just something but this radio silence was driving him insane.

"And she hasn't mentioned the letter to you?" He asked Colin and Finn, for the 8th time, that night at a steak house in Hartford.

"Oh, the letter? Yeah, we had a lengthy conversation about it, she is now madly back in love with you, but she decided to make you wait—and no for the last time she didn't mention the damn letter." Finn answered, exasperated. "Bloody hell mate, do you want us to ask her about it?"

"NO!" Logan quickly answered loudly. "I mean, no, if it meant a damn to her, she would have mentioned it. But you have talked to her lately? How is she doing?"

"Yes, we've talked to her, she seems to be doing fine, I think she's enjoying the work she's doing but she still sounds a bit off. We will keep checking on her, now, either eat and shut up, or get on the plane to Seattle where she is at for tomorrow. Either way, shut up." Colin instructed as he sent a text message under the table. _Hey Ror, I know we don't talk about him much but Logan's worried about you, and well, we all are. I hope you're doing okay, if you need anything let us know and we'll be on the first flight out._

RLRL

In a hotel room in the heart of Seattle, Rory laid on a bed playing with the tennis bracelet Logan had gotten her that sat on her wrist when her phone buzzed. She couldn't help the small set of tears that started flowing as she saw what Colin had to say, so without thinking she snapped a picture of her perfectly average hotel room, with a simple message saying she was fine. Before she could stop herself though she typed another message quickly. _"Watch out for him, please. I know I don't have the right to worry, but I do."_

Colin sighed when he read her message, he was tired of playing the middle man, of trying to meddle without actually showing the meddling. He had given Logan plenty of hints as to where she would be at almost any given time, he had hinted to Rory that Logan was still worried about her, he had flat out told her that he was back on the East Coast, but somehow neither one of them would budge in this incredibly stubborn game they were playing. And Finn, as usual was being only marginally helpful in this scenario.

Logan sat across from Colin, noticing his friend's annoyed expression but not able to put any thought into it. He didn't know why she wasn't responding, and just as he pulled his phone to just call her, to end all of this charade he had a better idea. He wanted her back, he needed her back, but she had been right, she needed this time. She needed to see the world and if she really thought that being with him was going to close doors then he was going to have to give her that space, no matter if it broke him to wait, to not be able to talk to her, see her or be there for her in the way he needed to be. But he couldn't let her think he didn't care, he couldn't let her believe that one day he gave up hope, with that in mind he threw down some cash to cover his barely eaten meal and said his goodbyes and apologies to his friends as he went home to start on his plan.


	2. Chapter 2- The Plan

**Dear You- Chapter 2 The Plan**

 **A/N: The response to this has been amazing, to the point where I immediately started this chapter. I know some things may not make sense, but I promise it's all for a reason.**

" _Ace, I know that I said you might not want to be my ace anymore, but you are in my mind. Maybe you'll always be, scratch that, I know you will. Because even in 10 years, if these letters never reach you, whether physically or emotionally, and we see each other across a crowded Yale campus for the first time in 10 years, I know that I still will have a hard time calling you anything other than that single syllable._

 _My Ace diatribe went longer than I meant it too, here's the real reason I'm writing. I'm not giving up, I know you didn't answer my last letter, I know that you seem perfectly happy on the trail, and I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy looking at the election through your eyes because I'm reading and re-reading every article you submit. But I want to hear your real thoughts, the thoughts you can't publish, because you've already been chased down by an angry ballerina and I'm sure being chased down by an angry politician would be much worse. Man, I got off track again, I started picturing Dick Cheney in tulle, anyway, I'm not giving up. Not until you tell Colin and Finn to tell me to stop, or call me and yell at me, actually that one is preferred, do that. I want you to see that I'm not walking away from this. I know I already did walk away, stupidly and without thought, but I can't do that again. Not until I hear from you that you're done._

 _So, with this letter, and I suppose the last one too, thus starts the Logan Huntzberger apology tour. And I've decided, I'm not just starting with the proposal, no, I have a lot more apologies that you deserve before that, so let's start with the first one._

 _I'm sorry I made you fight for us first, I'm sorry that you had to make the first move with us, I'm sorry that you had to show up at my dorm and say you were out, forcing me to face what I was about to lose. I'm sorry that I got jealous at that stupid party and confusing you on what we were and what I wanted. You deserved better than all of that. I wanted you, all that time, but not as much as I probably should have, not as much as I do now. I wanted you but not enough for me to give up the life I was leading, not enough originally to fight for you like I should have. You deserved more than me, and I kept pushing our limits and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that the beginning of us is so tainted by games and lies and things that you didn't deserve._

 _I was so happy when you finally agreed to be my girlfriend, I didn't think I could do it, but you made it so easy. Being with you was so simple, in the best way, being your boyfriend, being faithful, I know you're probably scoffing at that after the bridesmaid incident and I know we've worked through that, but I want you to know that being with you was the easiest thing I've ever done. Walking away from you at the pub that night was one of the hardest, and not speaking to you for two months it almost broke me. I thought all of that was hard, but this is harder, not knowing what you're thinking, not knowing if I can call and reach out to you, not knowing how your days are, how you're faring on the road. I wanted, still want, to marry you and somehow, I destroyed all of it. But I guess now we're getting into the proposal apology and I'm not ready to go there yet. Maybe it's to fresh, or maybe I just know that it will be the length of the Odyssey all I know is that I'm not prepared for that yet._

 _I hope you know that I'm here for you, even if you're not ready to talk about us, I'm still here for you. If you just need to vent, if you just need to scream, call me, use me, I won't pressure you to talk about anything other than what is on your mind. Just, I'm here Rory, please remember that._

 _Always,_

 _Logan"_

She couldn't help but groan as she read this letter, he was a persistent little asshole, wasn't he? Why wouldn't he just leave well enough alone? Wasn't the radio silence enough to get rid of him once and for all? She thought about just writing him back, telling him to stop, but she knew he would give up eventually and when he did his true colors would be exposed and she could tell everyone she was right. She was right, right?

RLRLRL

" _Dear Logan,_

 _What the hell? Where the hell did you walk off to? Was your pride worth destroying us? Was it worth not speaking? I miss my best friend Logan, I miss calling you and telling you what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, do you know how many times I had to censor my articles, but I know that you would love the additional commentary? I mean I can't explain how many times I had to stop my bias from coming through, I've already been attacked for letting my bias slip through at Yale and there are definitely higher stakes here, and this is definitely not the position to do it._

 _I hope I'm making you proud, if you're even reading. You are reading, right? I almost called you when I got this job, I wanted to tell you, hear you call me Ace, tell me you're proud of me. I wanted you to be there for me through this like I always tried to be there for you. Because I did Logan, I always tried to support you, even when it killed me, supporting you when you were doing well, like London, I can't describe how much it broke me watching you leave that apartment that day but I knew that you had to go, I hope you know that's why I had to do this._

 _You know, I am sorry. I am sorry for my word choice when I said not now. I'm sorry for not accepting immediately, I'm sorry our lives took us in opposite directions. Or maybe I should be sorry for starting us, are we something you regret? I hope not, because I couldn't imagine regretting you. I regret how much hurt we have between us. How much we didn't communicate, how much we let others into our lives. Hell, hour 1 of us being casual your life was threatened by the two father figures in my life, day 2 of being together, actually together, I was told I wasn't good enough for you. A few weeks later we were at my grandparent's home being paraded around like we were at an auction. Plus, I let my mom blame you for things that were far from your fault, I tried to tell her but when my mom and I's fight was ending, ours was just beginning and admittedly, I didn't defend you like I should have. I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore. I guess, I just hope you don't regret us, because I know that I've done a lot in my life that I regret but going after you was one of the best things I've ever done._

 _I miss you,_

 _Rory (Maybe still Ace if you'll have me.)"_

That conference may not have been her best admittedly, she kept thinking about the letter she wrote to Logan last night, can it even count as writing him a letter if he'll never get them? But Rory knew, deep down that it did count, it did matter. Maybe it would help her heal through this, it seems that the more she wrote the less the nightmares came, the less the sickening feeling in her stomach made itself known, like some kind of cathartic exercise that she's sure some therapist would tell her to do to help move past this heartbreak. But what if she didn't want to move past the heartbreak? If moving past it meant forgetting him or putting him in the past, she wasn't sure if she could do it then. She didn't want to admit defeat, admit that they were over, that this was it. It couldn't be it, right?

As the crowd moved towards the exit Rory couldn't help but get her hopes up, she knew he wouldn't be there, but it didn't hurt to hope, right? They were in Kansas City, KS, they had a stop in St. Louis, going up to Chicago, and then down to Nashville, and over to head up the East Coast, all before she would be home in 3 weeks for Thanksgiving. It was grueling, it was exhausting, but it was informative and exhilarating and something beyond her wildest dreams. And if all that were true, why did it not feel like enough right now? And then she saw it, the Logan journal, and she remembered why it wasn't enough anymore.

The caravan of reporters was staying in KC that night, hitting the road early in the morning, taking advantage of the relaxing night she decided to stay in, as Rory stepped out of the shower, she almost missed her phone ringing but quickly got to it in time to see her mom's name flash across the screen.

"Hey, hello, I'm here!"

"Hey kiddo! How is the terrifying world of political reporting? Did you get threatened yet? Bribed? Paid off to cover up some dirty intel?"

"Oh yeah, all of that, but the real juicy stuff is how uncomfortable the chairs are, it's much more of a crime than the boring underhandedness that everyone expects from the government."

"Well fine, hide the juicy information from momma. So, what about in your private life? Any interesting news there?"

"I had a drink spilled on me by a drunken seaman the other day."

"Ms. Patty would be proud." Lorelai said as she turned off the lights throughout her home, preparing to head to bed.

"I thought so, what about you? What's going on in your life? I know we've emailed some, but I feel like we haven't talked in forever. Anything to report on your end?" Rory wanted to divert the personal questions from herself. Not ready to get into the reality of the "Logan Journal" with her mom. They had avoided the Logan subject, Lorelai definitely didn't like talking about him and Rory couldn't bring herself to open up, knowing what her mom's reaction would be. She knew that her mom didn't like the idea of Rory saying yes, and she hated that she had let that influence her so much, even if it was a subconscious influence.

"Well, you know, Luke and I are testing the waters, I mean, I miss him kid. I missed him even when I was with your dad, maybe it wasn't a conscious longing, but it was always there. I thought it was just missing him being my friend, but I think it was always more. I hate that we wasted so much time apart. So much time we could've been talking things out, I know we both made mistakes and now we are just trying to move past them. I just, even though I have him back, I still miss him. I lived with him and even when your dad was here, the house never felt as full as it did when Luke lived here. I'm sure one day you'll realize what I mean by all of this."

"Yeah… or maybe I'm already experiencing it." Rory mumbled, mainly to herself as she stared at the journal sitting on her bedspread in front of her.

"What was that?" Lorelai asked, with a strange tone in her voice, she was hoping she heard her daughter wrong. "Rory, it wasn't right, the right time, the right man, the right everything. You know that."

"Yeah, sure mom, I know." What Rory wanted to say was that her mom should know something about the wrong timing, but she held her tongue, there was no use starting an argument over something that they would probably always disagree on. There was a reason why she had been hiding her feelings these past few weeks, sure she had broken down to her mom in the past but now that she was writing "to him" she didn't lean on her mom anymore. If there was ever going to be a chance for them again, she couldn't make her mom's opinion of him worse than it already was. Just as Rory was about to divert the conversation again, she heard a knock on her hotel room door. "Hey, mom, I'm sorry but someone is here, probably needing notes on today's conference. Sucks for them as my notes are so scattered, I'm sure Paris would spit on them if she could."

"Okay, well, have a good evening and I'll see you in a few weeks." Lorelai got off the phone and looked around her empty master bedroom before she quickly made a decision, she gathered herself, pajamas and all and marched through the town square headed towards her boyfriend's apartment.

In the middle of the country Rory was headed towards her hotel room door. As she opened the door, she couldn't help the huge smile that spread across her face. "Well, I'll be damned."

"Hello love, I think we need to talk." Finn leaned against the doorframe with a suitcase in his hands. "May I come in?"


	3. Chapter 3

**DY- Chapter 3 The Talks**

"Finn, not that I don't absolutely love to see you, but what are you doing here?" Rory asked as she watched Finn make himself comfortable on her bed. "And where is your other henchman?"

"Why are you doing this to him Rory?"

"I'm going to need more words than that Finn." She was exhausted, her thoughts being filled so fully with Logan's face, voice, everything, to the detriment of her work today, and then the avoidance of the argument with her mom, and now an Australian making himself at home in a place that was barely a place to lay her head. Her tone was short and the look he was giving her was not helping.

He looked at her, took a few minutes to focus on how she looked. He hadn't seen her since the day he accidentally ran into her when she was at a rally in Vegas and he had blown more money than ever made her comfortable. He noticed she looked exhausted, that she seemed out of sorts and quiet. Under his scrutiny she wrapped her arms around her stomach and slightly crouched herself down. As he tried to get more comfortable, he felt something hard under his back. "What is this?" He asked as he started to dig, causing Rory to jump on the bed and try to get him to stop trying to get the journal out from underneath his back.

"No! Finn, no! Drop it!" Rory said as she was trying to wrestle the book from his grasp.

"First of all, I'm not a dog, and I take great offense to that tone. Second of all, the amount of times I've had a dream that has landed us in this exact position would make your boy kill me. Now, what is in this notebook love?"

"It's none of your business Finn, and need I remind you, he's not my boy anymore, so have all the dirty dreams of me you'd like." She said exhaustedly.

"Wow, you must be really tired if you're willingly giving me permission to have dirty thoughts about you Love. But you know those stopped after you and Logan finally made things official, well at least around there. Now come on, either tell me what is in here, or I read it myself." Rory crawled to the other side of the bed and motioned to the book.

"Just read it Finn. I don't think I have it in me to rehash everything that is in there." She watched as he gave her a look asking if she was serious in her permission, in which she gave a small nod and he reluctantly opened the book.

He had been wanting to know what it said, but the moment he opened it and started reading he immediately felt bad for pushing her, but he couldn't help himself from reading more and more. Finally, as he finished, he looked up at her to see the tears streaming down. "Oh, love, why didn't you talk to us? I mean, I know you talked to us but why didn't you open up? We would have helped, we would have, and still will help you with this. He misses you darling, he misses you something awful."

This seemed to revitalize Rory as she got angry at that last sentence. "Oh, he misses me? The man that walked away is the one left broken hearted? No! No, Finn, fuck that! He doesn't get to miss me and instead of trying to talk to me he sends you, to what guilt trip me? C'mon Finn, that's not fair and I can't believe you would do his bidding. That's low, even for the three of you, and what? If I kick your sorry butt out, then Colin 'Meets me in St. Louis?' Great, I'll call Judy Garland and have her start up a tune. This isn't fair to me Finn. He left, he walked out!"

"And you're ignoring him!" Finn interrupted calmly, causing her to stop in her tracks.

"What are you talking about Finn? I'm not ignoring him."

"Yes, you are Rory. You're ignoring his letter, he tried to reach out to, a few weeks ago. He tried."

"I haven't gotten anything. I haven't heard." She started crying again. "I would've answered Finn. I swear to God I would have answered. I've missed him, you see that I have missed him." She gestured to the journal.

"Why don't I go down to the vending machine and get us some food? Sound good?" Finn asked and Rory nodded her head softly.

As he left the room, he texted Colin quickly who was sitting at a bar with Logan, preparing himself for his own talk with his best friend. _"I don't know why but she hasn't seen the letter. She misses him, she's a wreck. Think we can fix it?"_

RLRLRL

"Where did Finn run off to this evening?" Logan asked Colin as he looked around the bar.

"He mumbled something about seeing royalty or something and disappeared. Probably halfway to some foreign land where he'll harass those natives." Colin flippantly answered. "Where did you run off to the other night?"

"What are you talking about Colin?" Logan's voice now held an edge to it, he knew what night Colin was talking about, but he couldn't show all of his cards just yet, plus maybe Colin was bluffing, and he could get out of it.

"Oh, so we're playing dumb, cute. You know what night Logan. You wouldn't shut up about the damn letter and then suddenly you bolted. So, come on man, out with it because I don't have all night or an unlimited bar tab to try to get this out of you."

"You do have an unlimited bar tab, as do I." To emphasize his point Logan held up his glass to the bartender to ask for more.

"Stop with the avoidance bull shit Logan. We've dealt with 5 and a half months of playing your games, and the moping and the whining, we're officially tired of it." Colin finally was done playing and just wanted to get to the bottom of all of this. But something that he said in his annoyance registered with Logan as he looked around the bar again before finally settling back on Colin.

"Colin. Where the hell is Finn?" He asked with a stony voice. He knew that Colin and Finn had been put somewhere in the middle of him and Rory, but he didn't expect them to meddle this much. This wasn't a simple fight that they had, this was her saying not right now, and him throwing up the middle finger and walking away. This was Logan going back on promises and disappointing her in a way he didn't think he could come back from. Sure, he had been mad about her rejection, but after a few weeks of thinking he couldn't blame her for saying no, he would've declined too. He shook his head as he stared at Colin again. "Well, you said you were done with my playing dumb, you don't get to take over for me."

"He's talking to Rory right now." He answered solemnly. "Somewhere in the Midwest, Kansas, I believe."

"You guys had no right, no right to bother her, especially not when she's working like this. This is between me and her, this relationship, or lack thereof," He almost choked at that admission. "Is not some weird quad relationship."

"Not for lack of Finn's trying, but come on Logan, what else were we supposed to do? You weren't talking to her—"

"I was! I am! I'm trying! I've been writing to her, I've been reaching out."

"One letter doesn't count! Sneakily trying to call her from Finn's phone doesn't count either."

"It hasn't been one letter." Logan spoke quietly before he finally cleared his throat once he saw Colin's glare. "It's been multiple. I just keep writing them and sending them and I don't know what I'm doing but I have to tell her. I have to express that I screwed up, that I'm aware of my faults, I want her to know how wrong I am."

"Oh, trust me, she knows how wrong you are. But why aren't you reaching out another way? Why the letters? Even with her mail making it to her on the road, if you want her back, if you want to fight for her, then show her. Call her. Email her. Show up like Finn."

"Don't ever suggest I do anything 'like Finn' again. And I can't do that, you know that! I need her to want to talk to me. I screwed things up here. Again. I keep screwing things up, and yes, she said no first but then pretty told her 'fuck you' and walked away. She deserves better, and I can't just stomp into her life and demand she talk to me. I've done that before, I've done that how many times? No, I've reached out in the simplest way I can because I can't be the one that barrels in and demands anymore of her time. Not after how I messed this one up."

"So, this is what this about? Not knowing if she wants to talk?"

"She doesn't want to talk! She has made that very clear. She hasn't answered, she hasn't reached out. See this phone!" He shoved his phone in Colin's hands. "Do you see any sign of her reaching out? Do you see her even close to forgiving me?"

"Okay, so she hasn't reached out to you, but how do you know she's reading the letters? How do you know her mom isn't holding the letters until Rory gets home in a few weeks, or—"

"Wait, a few weeks? Why is she coming home, is everything okay?"

"Yes, you dolt. Thanksgiving, she'll be home for a week."

"Oh." Logan got quiet as he thought about that new development. Maybe she wasn't receiving the letters, maybe she wasn't just ignoring him.

"Yeah, oh. Listen, I don't know where exactly her head is at, I don't think anyone does. But I'll say this, Finn talked to her tonight, she… she misses you too Logan. I'm sure we're breaking more friend codes tonight than we should but you both miss each other. Just use that knowledge however you want. Now, I have a date tonight so don't stay here to late tonight." Colin slapped Logan on the back and Logan nodded in response. As soon as Colin left Logan threw some money on the bar and grabbed his coat, heading back to his apartment.

RLRLRL

Late that night Rory slipped out of her room, away from Finn in a sugar coma and made her way to the lobby of her hotel, snuggling as close to the fire as she could she opened her email, prepared to reach out to Logan in the only way she could right now but her efforts were sidetracked when she saw the email he had sent her.

" _Dear Rory,_

 _I've been writing these by pen and paper lately, I didn't want to ambush you with an email or a phone call and a letter seemed less intrusive but due to your hectic schedule you haven't gotten my letters so I guess I just need to send this one electronically, at least with typing maybe my hand won't cramp up this time, dirty, I know._

 _All of my letters have had a few central themes, one, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, about it all, from the beginning, to the middle, to the end. I'm sorry for the times I screwed up, for the times we didn't talk, for the times I walked away, but I'm never sorry about us. I'm never sorry I met you, or that you kissed me, or that I asked you to be my girlfriend. I'm not sorry for asking you to marry me either, because I do want that. I want you to be my wife, I want you and I for the rest of my life. But that want, that need to be your husband, it also had an underline of fear, fear of leaving my dad's company, fear of starting new and in a new place. I reacted to that fear by pushing you while you were dealing with fear of your own, I know I screwed up how I asked you, and for that I am sorry._

 _I had so many different ideas, all of them private because I knew that you would like that, but I just messed it up. I messed it all up, and that's why I didn't want to just call and make you talk or email you and have you just staring at that email. I figured if I sent you a letter you could read it once, or ignore it, and then rip it to shreds and never have to think of me again. But now, now I'm ambushing you in the subtlest way I know. Because, I need you to know that I am aware of my screw-ups, I'm aware of how I messed us up and I'm so scared it is irreparable._

 _Another theme is that I love you. I do, Ace. I love you. I hope you know that, through all of this, I love you. There's not much more I can say to you other than that I love you, I miss you, I'm sorry, and I'm so freaking proud of you, Ace."_ Rory stopped for a minute in the email to compose herself, thankful for the late hour and no one to see her cry except the workers at the front desk who were kind enough to avert their gaze. She had just wanted to hear him say those words, hear that he was proud, that she hadn't made a huge mistake. With another deep breath she continued the letter. _"If you ever want to talk, about anything, it doesn't have to be about us, just call me, or email me. I'm always here Ace._

 _Love,_

 _Logan_

 _P.S. Sorry about the Finn invasion, I swear I did not know about that."_

She was thankful for the small joke at the end of the email, allowing herself to fully comprehend what she had just read, needing to know that he had actually sent it and she didn't just imagine it somewhere in overly exhausted mind. Once she realized that she had actually read those words she started composing her own letter.

" _Dear Logan,_

 _You're not the only one who has been writing, but I didn't have an address so mine never went anywhere other than pen or paper, I couldn't bring myself to email you either, but you're right this does cut down on the hand cramping._

 _I don't know what to say Logan. I miss you too, I love you too, I'm sorry too, I wasn't expecting Finn either, there's so much to say, so many things you deserve to hear. I've been blaming you for months, but deep down I wasn't guiltless, neither one of us were in all of this. I'm not sorry for kissing you, for saying yes to you asking to be your girlfriend, and as much as it hurts, I'm not sorry for saying not right now either. I had to do this, and I wouldn't have done it and left you behind. So, while I don't regret this, I regret not being able to call you and talk to you, my best friend, about this opportunity._

 _God Logan, how did we get so screwed up, I mean, we weren't always the pinnacle for what to do, but we were good, we were solid, how are we here? Scared to talk, scared to email, and resorting to writing letters like we're in an Austen novel. We screwed up, but maybe, maybe not all hope is lost?_

 _I don't know, I don't know what to say anymore. I just want you to know that all hope is not lost, at least not on my end. I'll be in town for Thanksgiving, maybe we can meet at the coffee shop under the New York apartment on Wednesday? You don't have to respond, I'll be there at 5 o'clock pm on Wednesday._

 _Love,_

 _Rory_

 _P.S. I didn't know about the letters, I would've responded sooner."_

With a shaky hand, Rory hit the sent button and with equally shaky legs she made her way back to her room, when the door closed, she let out the sob that had been bubbling up since she had sent her response. The sob had woken a forgotten Finn. "Rory? What's wrong?"

"He misses me too." She said through the cries as she sat on the floor.

"Of course, he does, he'd be a fool not to."

As Finn consoled Rory, back in New York Logan was rereading Rory's response for the second time, trying to soak up everything she had confessed, he finally responded with a simple message. _"I'll see you then, Ace."_

 **A/N: Next chapter will probably be the last as I wanted this to be a short story anyway. I hope you guys enjoy it and thank you so much for all the reviews, you have no idea how amazing it has been!**


	4. Dear You- Chapter 4: No More Apologies

**Dear You- Chapter 4: No More Apologies**

 **AN: Guys, this is the end of it. But hey, 4 chapters, 3 days, a short little adventure that I hope you all enjoyed. I have to say the feedback on this was amazing and way more than I could have ever hoped for or imagined. As someone who should be focusing on the books she's actually trying to get published, I have to admit that I can't stop myself from writing FF because you guys are so great.**

 _ **Logan:**_ _After a week of cordial emails, have we graduated to texts? If not, please tell me to bugger off and I will resume emailing._

Rory couldn't help the smile that spread across her face, it was true, they had been emailing every day since they initially broke the ice and now, apparently, they had graduated to texting each other.

 _ **Rory:**_ _Does texting come with any benefits over email?_ __

Rory immediately realized what she had alluded to in the message, they had kept things light over the emails, but was this getting too close to a line that neither one of them were ready for? They had admitted they still loved each other, admitted they missed each other, but the biggest issue was still there, the empty ring finger supporting the back of her phone as she held it.

Logan read her message and couldn't help but smirk, he knew he was taking a huge risk in texting her instead of how they had been communicating previously but he had to take that jump, he was tired of being polite and only hearing from her when she had time to check her email, it was to restricting and formal for what they had been, and what he hoped they would be in the future. What he hadn't been prepared for, however, was for her to flirt, even if it was a subtle flirt. Just as he was about to respond his phone chimed again.

 _ **Rory:**_ _Oh god, I just reread that, I didn't mean it like that._

 _ **Logan:**_ _I was just going to say that it means we're not limited to when you have internet access, but now I'm curious what benefits you think it may have?_

He could practically see her in front of him, which considering in this visual she was now sitting across from him in his office while he sat behind his desk. He could see the blush that crept up, the way she hid her face when she got embarrassed or called out. It took every ounce of control for him to not take it a step further. He knew they weren't at that stage, but he had spent the past 4 years flirting with her, ever since he saw her in the hallway outside of her dorm room her sophomore year.

 _ **Rory:**_ _Wipe that damn smirk off of your face Huntzberger, it's not nearly as cute as you think it is._

 _ **Logan:**_ _Are you here? Do you know what my face looks like? Because, if you're here show yourself._

 _ **Rory:**_ _I don't have to be in that room to know you're smirking. I know you babe. I know you very well, remember that._

Logan was taken aback by the small term of endearment, and the flirting undertones to her message, he wanted to tease her and keep up with it, but he knew that if he pushed his luck, he ran the risk of pushing her away, it didn't mean that he couldn't have a little fun.

 _ **Logan:**_ _Oh, trust me, I remember very well. So, I take it that texting is okay?_

 _ **Rory:**_ _Texting is good, however, one of us has to actually go do work to support us down the road. About to head into a rally, talk to you later Lo._

Rory couldn't believe she had actually alluded to anything in regard to them past some small banter, but it was so easy to fall into that trap of 'them' the comfortableness between them was there and it had never gone away apparently. She realized that she had a few more minutes before the rally started so she quickly sent another message.

 _ **Rory:**_ _I'm sorry, I don't know if that was inappropriate. I'm sorry._

 _ **Logan:**_ _No more apologies Ace, they're not needed, now go work, I have very expensive tastes and I'm now liking the thought of being a kept man._

He may have kept it light, but that didn't mean he wasn't on edge at her words, here she was, alluding to their future. It had been what he wanted, what he had hoped for, but now he was scared. Did it mean something, did it have to mean anything? Before he could go down the dark spiral that was analyzing a small text message his computer chimed alerting him to a meeting in 5 minutes, as he gathered his work; he was suddenly very thankful for a meeting for the first time in his life.

RLRLRL

It had been an insane 2 weeks, and it was all culminating in Rory collapsing into her mother's foyer in exhaustion on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. She left her bags in the entryway, barely moving them from the path of the door before she went into the kitchen. She glanced at the clock on the stove and realized she still had 4 hours before she had to leave for her coffee with Logan.

Logan. The man who she missed desperately, she had to stop herself from changing her plane ticket from Hartford to New York, but she knew she had to come home first, if only to shower and freshen up for the evening. Ever since the ice had been fully broken once they had started texting and she had slipped up, flirting and alluding to the long-term with them, things had gone from cordial to fun and flirty. Sometimes they got steamier than she meant for them to, but she couldn't help herself. She couldn't stop herself when it concerned Logan, sometimes to a fault. There was one night where she was alone, with a bottle of wine and she couldn't help herself, she finally broke that final wall and called him.

 _Flashback_

" _Well, this is a surprise. How are you?" Logan sounded casual, trying to reign in the fear that she was calling to end all of this, whatever this fun and flirty air between them was. Plus, just hearing her voice was hurting him._

" _Logan." She breathed out. He could practically hear the wine in her voice, wine always hit her harder than other drinks for reasons he could never quite understand. "Logan, I miss you. I can't keep pretending that we didn't have this enormous break-up, that we didn't hurt each other." She let a tear slip. "I can't keep playing happy couple with you when I don't know what you want."_

" _You know what I want Rory. You. I want you. Preferably with a ring on your finger and mine, but I will take you anyway I can have you. If that means that we flirt for the rest of our lives through emails and texts then I'll accept it, but I know I want you."_

" _Logan, I don't know if I'm ready to get married, I still have months on the trail, and yes, it's exhausting but it's amazing. It's not just an opportunity, it's_ _ **the opportunity**_ _for me and as much as you're_ _ **the one**_ _for me, I can't just pass this up."_

" _I'm not asking you to give it up, just take me with you."_

" _Want me to stow you in my carry-on?" She asked with a drunken giggle. "Maybe you can tell Mitchum that you don't want that fancy corner office overlooking Manhattan and you'd rather be on the press trail? I'm sure he can find someone to bump."_

" _Oh, I forgot your wittiness expands when you've been drinking, but you know that's not what I meant. Just take me with you, in any way you can." He let what he said sink in for a minute before he tried again. "Please Ace. I know I walked away, I know I said, 'what's the point' but the point is that I miss you, I miss us, and I'll take anything I can get, I just want to be yours again. Listen, let's continue how we have been, let's see if we can do this. Read the letters your mom must still have, and we can talk that Wednesday."_

He had stayed on the phone with her for the next 2 hours, and they talked about everything but the big question on both of their minds. So much had been said in letters that haven't been seen by the other person and they both knew that until those letters were seen there couldn't be the idea of moving forward. She made her way over to her bags and pulled out the journal that she had been continuously writing in, even though she was now able to talk to Logan she knew that she would be able to write things down that would be hard to say to him. She took quick pictures of each entry, making sure they were able to read and without thinking she hit send with a simple message. _I'll read yours if you read mine, if I can find yours. See you in 6 hours Huntzberger._

She procrastinated as much as she could, but she knew that she had to do it, she had to snoop and find where her mother had hidden those notes, it was wrong, but she knew she couldn't just come out and ask her mom. She took a shower, styled her hair and got dressed before she finally ventured out of her mom's master bathroom and to the desk that was in the corner of her mom's room. The irony of this moment wasn't fully lost on her, this is where Lorelai had hidden the character reference for Luke from Christopher, and sure enough, nestled in one of the drawers was 5 letters from Logan, each opened and combed through. Somehow the feeling of guilt for going through her mom's desk wasn't as nagging as it once was, not as she sat here and saw Logan's words had already been read by someone else but her.

She was in the middle of her 3rd reread of the letters, trying to absorb every word, every emotion, every truth that he had said, when she heard the door close. "Rory! You home kid?"

Rory sat there with tears rolling down her face, effectively ruining all of the make-up she had carefully applied just earlier, when Lorelai walked into the room and saw what Rory was holding, she stopped. "Rory, I can explain." But Rory held up her hand to stop her.

"I know you had your reasons, I don't understand them, I don't know if I respect them, but I know you had them. I know you heard the tears, the hurt that Logan had inflicted, and I get why you wanted to save me from that. But mom, you knew he missed me, you knew he was hurting like I was. Why did you keep this from me?"

"Because, you sounded like you were doing better!"

"Because I had started writing to him! Not to him necessarily because I didn't have his address, but I started writing letters to him just like he did for me! Were you ever going to show me these?" The guilty look in her mom's eyes said it all. "God, mom! I get that you saw me hurt but I had a right to know. We are not Noah and Allie, you are not some rich Southern Belle, you had no right to hide these from me, especially after reading them. If you hid them unopened and planned on showing me when I got home, then fine, I get that. But you weren't! Why?"

"Because I knew he would leave again, Rory! And he did! The letters stopped, 3 weeks ago the letters stopped because he couldn't handle it again. He walked away again."

"He didn't walk away, mom! He started emailing me, we've been talking again, I've been happier again. You could have told me, you could have told me that he wrote, clued me in a little bit. But you didn't. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go."

"Rory, come on, don't leave, not like this."

"Mom, I love you. I know that you did what you did because you honestly felt it was the best move for me. I'm hurt, and upset, but I get it. But I'll tell you this right now, Logan and I are working our way back to each other. It's what I want, it's what he wants and those are the only two opinions I care about in regard to this relationship. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a coffee date in New York." With that Rory gathered the letters and ran downstairs to her car, suddenly renewed with the energy of seeing him again, and hopefully putting all of this heartbreak to rest.

RLRLRL

Logan admittedly wasn't prepared for the onslaught of journal entries he received but it didn't stop him from reading them over and over again. He constantly discovered a new emotion hidden within the letters or himself with each reread. He could hear her heartbreak, feel the pain that he had felt for so many months was mirrored in her. He looked as some of the letters matched his, showing that at least on some level they were still connected, still on the same wave length. But it didn't stop him from feeling terrible, from feeling like he had screwed things up so terribly by a gesture that was supposed to symbolize forever.

He had to wonder if she ever found his letters, if they hit her like hers had hit him. If she was regretting the meeting, if she was going to stand him up, which he so rightfully deserved. It wasn't until he realized he only had 30 minutes until they were set to meet that he realized she had never texted him to cancel, but she had also never said anything else either. His phone had been eerily quiet the whole day. As if his world knew he would be useless to the working world, or any other world that didn't involve her and this one single coffee date. As he grabbed his coat, he hurried into the cold New York air, passing many people who were heading out of town on the way to visit family. He couldn't help but stop for a minute as he reached the entrance to the coffee shop, not ready to face his fate in case it was a bad one. He glanced down at his watch and saw that he had 5 minutes before she should be here. He pushed open the door and sat down at the table closest to the door.

Three minutes later he saw her fighting against the wind as walked down the sidewalk, he watched as she took a few calming breaths like he had before she took the last few steps and pushed open the door. When he saw her, he felt his whole body shift back to normal, and when her eyes met his he felt the words tumble out before he could think.

"I'm sorry, I really am Ace. I don't know if you found the letters, or what you're thinking but everything I said in them, I meant. Everything I've said over the past few weeks, I've meant, please believe me. Please, just don't give up on us—" His rant was cut off as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. It was the exact kiss she always pictured they would have if they ever made it to this point. It was sweet, and kind, and loving and the minute it started tears sprang to her eyes again. When Logan pulled away, he went to start talking again before Rory stopped him.

"Logan, shh, no more apologies." And with that she kissed him again. The two were so lost in each other they didn't notice Colin and Finn in the background sharing a 'cheers' with two coffees.


End file.
